I first heard the phrase “healing to completion” several years ago and it simultaneously made me ask, “What!?”. It felt like my being lit up because it felt like such deep truth.
So, what is healing to completion?
First of all, I think it starts with the fact that we don’t even have a reference point for that statement. How many of us have had an injury and taken the full time to recovery? Did everything professionals recommended for us? Kept up with exercises and other recommendations as part of our lives?
I know in my younger days, “I didn’t have time for all that…I felt good, there were only twinges now where there weren’t before, I could still do what I wanted, I just had to pay more attention, and the biggie, I had to get back to work…” I was pretty good about the doing stuff, I was terrible at giving my body the time it needed to heal.
What if, healing to completion was about trusting ourselves, our inner wisdom, our own pace, and the process of our own life? What if, the things that slowed us down and brought us to a place of deep listening, was really the best thing that ever happened to us, even though it was deeply painful and/or uncomfortable?
"I now realize that I was working so hard to live up to expectations that were a) somebody else’s, b) my own need to be perfect in order to feel loved and valuable, and c) not actually not necessarily realistic, and d) definitely not in alignment with what I said mattered most to me."
When I look back at that younger self, I feel bad that I pushed her so hard, expected so much of her, that she had to find louder and louder ways to get my attention. I now realize that I was working so hard to live up to expectations that were a) somebody else’s, b) my own need to be perfect in order to feel loved and valuable, and c) not actually not necessarily realistic, and d) definitely not in alignment with what I said mattered most to me. Like many of us, I said my home and my family were most important, yet, I realized I spent less than 2 hours a week actually enjoying my home or my family. There were always projects to do, or things to take care of, or work to be caught up on, or I was simply exhausted and would come home and fall asleep. Sound familiar?
Loving Self-Talk is Key for Healing to Completion
Secondly, healing to completion is about really loving ourselves so deeply and so completely that our conversations in our heads are as loving and supportive as conversations we have outside our head, with people we love. I know there have been times where I was so, so mean to me. What does your inner voice say if something doesn’t show up the way you thought it should? What does it say about how you look, or what you wear, or what you said? Part of healing to completion for me is about the way I talk to myself.
This time of Covid has given me many, many opportunities to notice how and what I’m saying to myself and equally as many opportunities to shift those conversations. When spending more time without our usual distractions, we might have noticed conversations taking place that we hadn’t previously noticed at all. I have spent many years listening to my words and learning and growing from them, and this year has taken that to a whole new level.
It turns out that I was getting to my core story of unloved and unlovable and unworthy. The beauty of that is that we cannot truly heal with out actually knowing where the problem is. After this time of levels of intense discomfort, I am able to really change my story to something that honors and loves all of me, not just the “good” parts. Part of my healing this year has been about listening to that wounded child, building a relationship with her/them, and letting her/them have a voice. Turns out those inner little ones of various ages, really just want to be included and not separate because they weren’t good…..
Thirdly, and lastly for today, healing to completion is really about honoring your body’s wisdom, setting boundaries and playing. These things seem to go together, as when we/I don’t listen to our/my bodies, we/I say yes to things that take us/me away from playing and enjoying, which takes us/me out of the present moment into either the past or the future. That was a mouthful, huh?
So, how do I stay present as often as possible?
For me, I have to schedule time to play. It goes on my calendar. I personally like color coding my calendar. And part of what this year has brought is what do I do that really feels like play? I’m finding that I’m playing in the kitchen, cooking and making things I never even considered (like the times I’ve made-and tossed-gummy bears), I am also singing along and dancing a little and laughing more. It was quite the surprise. I also breathe…regularly…even at the top of every hour, 3 deep breathes into the backs and bottoms and sides of my lungs….and I ask in deeper and deeper ways, how does my body feel about saying yes to that? And then I listen to my body and how it feels and act upon that feeling. And I find myself saying more authentic yeses and more frequent no’s.
Healing to completion, so far, includes defining the answer to that question, for myself and you for yourself, creating relationship with ourselves, coming to trust our own inner knowing, being present with how our bodies really feel, and really honoring our bodies answers. We use our tools, such as breathing and calendars, and we find our own unique, individual path, together. Thank you for spending this time with me. I would love to have a conversation about if we could work well together and I could assist you in your healing to completion.
